4. Don’t acknowledge it. Seriously. Just remind yourself that the idea of some love drunk Roman martyr dying for a holiday about fancy chocolates and hearts is just stupid.

5. Take a tour of your local brewery. It’s the most refined, classiest, most educative way of getting off your gourd. Be sure to call the brewery in advance. In most cases, you’ll get to try everything that they have. It’ll be like Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory, only with beer. Given that this is Canada, there shouldn’t be a single town that doesn’t have a craft brewery within 10 kilometers of city limits. If you get drunk enough to want to call your ex, remember: this is how you were when you met her.