How to: Give a Toast

Whether toasting your new bride or your oldest friend, our all-purpose toast has you covered. Just don’t forget to fill in the blanks.

(Clink, Clink, Clink) Good evening, everyone. I know you’ve all been waiting patiently for the your role of the toastee’s role to make you terribly uncomfortable with a sweaty, rambling speech, so I’m going to make this as long and filled with awkward pauses as I can. In all seriousness, you all know I’m a man of few words. But let’s face it: I’ve known toastee since memorable meeting. And in that time, there are oh-so-many words I’ve used—mostly behind his/her back—to describe him/her. There’s endearing adjective and funny adjective and, on one fateful occasion, the specific details of which we will take to our graves, mildy embarrassing adjective/noun based on shared indiscretion with toastee.

But the one word I always come back to is heartfelt adjective/noun. You have always been there for me and I am so very honoured to call you my noun. And, sorry to break it to you, I’m not letting you off the hook any time soon, even though you are funny take on whatever the toast is being toasted for. But I will keep doing all that I can to earn your noun and somehow repay it. Glasses up to one hell of a noun!